Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
