That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just come out here and I will go home with you...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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