allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
