this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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