If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
