I think i sorta joined a cult last night
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
