Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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