i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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