I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
