You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
