turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
