I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize