New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
