in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
