Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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