My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
