Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
