My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
