And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
