Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
