Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
