so that wasnt chicken after all
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
