u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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