I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
