Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
