My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You ruined the universe
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