tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
