did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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