Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
All the doctor said was why
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
