Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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