I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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