Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
