i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
