Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
