Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
