turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
