after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
