he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
