I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
