i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
