and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
