So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
