I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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