problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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