I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
