i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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