I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
