Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
