Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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