I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize