Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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