just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
