Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
