I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
