Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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