you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
