I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
