there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
