saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
