why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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