my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
