Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
too bad you live with your parents still
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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