I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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