And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Randomize
