direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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