I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
