the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
