FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
