I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
