; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
