So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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