Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
