You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
