just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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