There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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