u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
