Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
